I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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