I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My first STD was from a foam party
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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