felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
where are you?
Hypothermia
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Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
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Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize