Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
