mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
