Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
