Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
