Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
