i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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