i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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