Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
