grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
