help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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