ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The cops high fived after they tackled you
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
