I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
