One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
