I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
