Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
