If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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