I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
