can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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