you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
