Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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