Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
