I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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