I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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