im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Randomize
