fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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