Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
