Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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