I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I need a hoe opinion
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies