they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
