Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
