"it" just moved
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize