why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
