Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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