Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Randomize
