nut hugger
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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