After last night, I could never be a politician.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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