wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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