the condom got lost in my hair
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
