I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
