I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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