I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
