Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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