U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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