I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
