Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
