Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bondingš
Dude, he turned on āLondon Bridgeā by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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