She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
