Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Farmville is her only friend.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
