guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
