hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
