so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
