I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
