pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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