I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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